*Currently I am in Barcelona– have been for 5 days, and will be leaving in the morning. I wanted to blog on how this trip was not just a trip, but undeniably eye opening… Who knows even life changing.*
So last week as I started to prepare for my trip to Barcelona I began to feel anxious as it would be my first time traveling internationally alone. Though I was excited, I was over thinking the entire trip. I went to see my mental health guru [therapist], church, and prayed and felt better. Midweek I’d made up my mind that I would give it to God, and I would just fake it ‘til I made it. The week ended, and by Friday I was exhausted and in my bed super early even though my flight wasn’t until Saturday evening. I woke up Saturday morning and knew that Barcelona wasn’t going to be just a “trip”.
I had 5 missed calls from my friends and family who were calling to wish me well on my trip. I initially thought do they think I’m not gonna make it back? I had never received so much love when I was leaving on any trip, but learned that wasn’t it… Saturday morning I called my aunt back, and she talked to me about life, and how she was proud of me, my blog, and did what I needed—prayed for and with me while I drove and finished my errands. Right before I got on the road I was given a bag with travel essentials—Pepto, Tylenol, sanitizer, candy from my colleague/friend… And as I got on the road my good sister friend sent me the most sincere prayer—praying over my trip and my 3 hour drive to the airport. My older sister called me, and said she’d loved me (not a big deal to most, but she rarely initiates the I loves you). The calls, texts, and good gestures was clear indication that I have good people around me, and ultimately I felt God was saying “you’re good Brooke; I told you to trust me.”
Wednesday’s are usually bible study, but last Wednesday my pastor was preaching at a revival, so I attended that in place of Wednesday night bible study. “Christians haven’t been telling the truth when they say get to know God and all your problems will go away. The truth is once you get to know God you have more troubles, BUT with God you know how to solve them!” And that was my ah-Ha moment; since I have given all control to God I (with His help and guidance) have been able to solve whatever issues come my way. I would love to say that I have no anxiety, but you know that’s not true. I can say that I have not stayed in anxiety, anger, sadness, or any negative space for as long as I would have previously. What I know in addition, is that as you get to know God better, He starts to reveal yourself to you- You get to know YOU! And it’s not always easy, but it’s a necessary part of growth.
That is what Barcelona was for me. I said in a previous blog post that when I bought my ticket that I was excited because I was uncomfortable, and when you are outside your comfort zone things happen! I said that and as much as I like to say I meant every word, I didn’t really know how much this trip, and the experience would stretch me and my comfortability. I knew I needed to do something, because what I had been doing wasn’t working and you know the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I was comfortable—have been for some time and guess what? I hadn’t been producing any new results. As I am writing this, I realize that this blog is doing the same thing. I’d been writing for two months and purposely not sharing it because I wasn’t ready for anyone to read my words, my thoughts, my insecurities, my issues… I wasn’t ready, but I knew that when I bought my domain that it was for a purpose that was bigger than just “journaling”, and I had to look beyond my comforts and trust God that He would cover me in all in of my uncomfortableness… AND like He has done before He did it again with this blog and Barcelona.
I intend to let you know how great my trip to Barcelona was, but I felt that it was more important to explain what the trip has done for me, and what it ultimately was for me… My trip allowed me to see my growth, and lots of times we don’t take the time to see our growth and what God is doing in our lives. It gave me time alone to enjoy me, and in my own way. It made me uncomfortable, but in my discomfort I had no choice but to trust God. I got here on Sunday after a trying journey, I didn’t do like I normally would and be upset instead I knew I was blessed to even be here. Before this trip, I made a conscious decision to not make an itinerary, and planned to just go with the flow. I didn’t just go with the flow, I listened to my spirit and followed the vibe. I have felt for some time that I have had to take the longer path, because I don’t listen to the directions. I always get there, but often a little late or tired from figuring it out… I say that figuratively, but it truly has been a reflection on my relationship with God, and as I have grown– scratch that AS I GROW I am learning to really listen. Listen for Him, listen for the spirit, and follow the vibe, and for the times when I am unsure to just wait. Barcelona allowed me to flex my listening skills, and thus far it has been my best trip ever.
There is a saying that God will allow you to go into a storm to see light… I absolutely believe that to be true, and I know for sure in your weakness you are strong. And in my discomfort I was trusting. Trusting God has been best thing I have ever done!!
Posted on Instagram today
I posted this meme on Instagram today (I am back on social media
for now)as it hit the nail on the head on the way I’ve been feeling. I then went and looked at something I posted before I went off the GRID and it was very similar. I even had posted a picture of me and the caption was:“this is what happy looks like”. After looking at those post I started to get in my head and needing to get it together. I started to tell myself that I wrote that I trusted God 14 weeks ago, and then allowed life to shake me… and I was starting to beat myself up (this all happened in a matter of minutes), and then I remembered! I am not perfect, and life is going to shake me, trials are going to come, and stuff is going to happen! When all those things happen I just have to remember who God is to me and what he is to me in that time… For so long I would forget who God was in the bad times, and try to figure it out myself but God willing no more!
Cheers to Barcelona and this being a trip that was fulfilling. Here is to God! Trusting Him, loving Him, Life, and MYSELF.